JoJo!

How could you expect so much from me?
How could you expect me to make you happy like i used to when you’re
the one who just walked away.
You have so much to say for the one who left me in the dark.

You left me feeling down, alone, and hurt. And now you feel what i felt. You cant handle it can you? You come to me crawling and begging me to make it work, to make you happy. How can you ever expect it to be the same?

We were better off as friends. I regret nothing except the fact it didnt work out, but its not over. We have our lives ahead of us, so many beautiful people in this world looking for that someone to make them happy.

You were that someone for quite some time, but you stopped being that someone when you walked away.

I wish it wasnt so hard to give you up, but i do want to thank you for the good times that we did have. I learned my lesson. You were the first and now the last person i trusted and let my guard down for. 

Ive always hated kids…
bit  had a dream today that kept a smile on my face for hours…
I had a dream i was in my 20s and i had this beautiful daughter, i was also engaged but i never seen his face. My daughter was the most beautiful thing ive ever seen in my life. I keep seeing her even though im awake. Shes so gorgeous…. Short curly brownish reddish hair, big blue eyes, long eyelashes, and she was pale…..just like me. Kill me now?

im looking forward to having a kid now… 

I date so many people… i break up with them with in a week. They always think theres something wrong with them.. or they think i did something or chose someone over them.

They ask me why i left them, and i make up a bullshit excuse… they ask me whats wrong with them when they should be asking whats wrong with me.

i hide behind my excuses and make them believe its them when its obviously me. i wish someone for once would actually ask. Ive hurt so many guys that were nothing but sweet and amazing…i hate what i am. i hate what i do.
i want to confess whats wrong but nobody ever asks. 

If youre one of the guys ive fucked over and youre reading this i want you to know im sorry…. you dont have to forgive me but i need to say that im sorry.